16
November 2015 SR
SR
The Coroner had listed the deceased’s cause of death as
“Connection Rejection.” He wasn’t surprised when the
D.A.’s office called for a clarification of his findings.
“Can you explain what you mean by ‘Connection Rejec-
tion’?” the Deputy District Attorney asked. “My boss is
going to need something more than this for her report.”
“Connection Rejection,” said the Coroner into the tele-
phone, “happens when a person’s attempts to connect
with other people are not reciprocated. The person’s
foundational need for relationship is not met, which
sometimes leads him to view himself as unworthy of
relationship. This negative assessment of himself can
lead the person to start making decisions that reflect this
perspective. He starts to isolate himself from others, giving
up on trying to connect with them. This isolation often
leads people to diminish their own worth, and to con-
tinue this line of thought by engaging in behavior that is
harmful to themselves.”
“That’s what happened with the deceased,” the Coroner
continued. “He started viewing himself as a lost cause,
so he saw no point in taking care of his physical health,
not to mention his psychological, emotional, or spiritual
health. He thus entered a downward spiral that ultimately
ended his life at a premature age.”
“That sounds so sad,” the Deputy D.A. commented.
“Could anything have been done to change the course
of this person’s life?”
“Intervention could have occurred at a number of points
in the deceased’s life,” suggested the Coroner. “Children
naturally seek their first connections with their parents,
so a child’s early experience with his mother and father
is crucial. If his parents are not able or willing to connect
with the child, or are not present, then other family mem-
bers, or members of the child’s immediate community,
can step in and invite him into healthy relationship
opportunities. If a child continues to grow up without
healthy connection, he will tend to begin the process of
self-isolation, as a perceived means of self-preservation.
It’s therefore vitally important for us to begin connecting
with children who have been rejected by their family or
community. It is true, however, that even adults who
have lived for many years without connection are able to
form relationships, if they can find a supportive environ-
ment in which to begin reaching beyond their fears and
insecurities. Even though it’s more difficult for an older
person to learn these connection skills, no one is beyond
hope. Since we were created for connection, each of us
possesses the capacity to connect, even if this capacity
appears handicapped by years of connection rejection.”
The Deputy District Attorney wrapped up his phone call
by asking the Coroner some final questions regarding
the deceased’s family history. Then he hung up the
phone and lost himself in what seemed like hours of
deep reflection.
Coming back down to earth, he gradually noticed the
presence of the office mail carrier, Richie, who had just
now quietly added a large stack of manila envelopes to
his inbox. Richie was always like that, he thought, quietly
delivering the mail without saying anything to anyone.
“Hey, Richie,” he called the young man back into his
office. “I’m headed downstairs for some fresh air. Come
on, I’ll buy you a Coke.”
Devotional
Pastor Scott Hausrath
North Loup SDB Church, NE
Connection Rejection
